A headache is no laughing matter, but being able to laugh at a situation can sometimes make all the difference. Here are some headache-related jokes and humorous quotes to lighten your day. There are literally hundreds of variations on some of these jokes, but I tried to pick out the most appropriate to share here on About.com. Remember, the ability to laugh at one’s self can go a long way in promoting a healthy outlook on life.
The Garden of Eden
A few days after finishing His creations, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam was a bit confused. "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord. That was enjoyable."
The Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress?” So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
A while later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. Now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"
A Preemptive Strike
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache." "I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
Blondes and Headaches
A blonde goes to the doctor complaining of headaches. Noticing she hasn't taken off her headphones at all during the exam, he suggests they may be the cause of her headaches.
He tells her to take them off. "Oh, no. I just couldn't," she says. "Without them, I'd surely die."
"Oh, come now," the doctor says, "let me help you." And he pulls them off her head.
Sure enough, moments later, she is dead on the floor. Curious, he picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."
Men in Uniforms
A police officer working the overnight schedule is relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike. Would you go down to the drug store and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Sure, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," he said. "Aren't you Officer O’Malley of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"
A Political Headache
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
A Unique Cure
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Don’t do that. Yesterday I had a headache, so I hurried home, gave my wife a big kissand the headache disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea. Call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
An End to Chivalry
Courtesy of Reader’s Digest
The escalator was broken, and the only way out of the airport was up a flight of stairs. I had a big suitcase and a sore knee.
I began dragging my bag and was making a loud thud on every step when a man behind me grabbed it and carried it to the top.
"That was so chivalrous," I gushed, thanking him.
"Chivalry had nothing to do with it," he said. "I've got a splitting headache."