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© 2002

Waiting for Daddy to come home to rescue them,
the helpless three and five year old children
watch their Mommy,
standing beside her silently, trying to be quiet nurses,
as she vomits and shakes permanent scary memories
into their young minds...
this fear created would go away....
   if someone would smash my head

The embarrassing eye twitch and immediate plea
for dark and quiet,
the begging for items to decrease the flashes of light
and jaw pain would stop...
   if someone would smash my head

The glasses would not hurt to wear and
having to "just function" through life for another chapter
would not happen...
   if someone would just smash my head

Upon the tormenting Migrainous occasions,
the family and friends around you
would not think of the desperation and humiliation
that accompanies my sheer presence
as I walk into a room straight legged and stiff,
teeth clenched, searching for relief, a purse,
medication, cold rags, something to stop the nausea, anything -
ANYTHING - to stop the throbbing, stabbing pain
when I KNOW that my head may explode at any moment,
the thoughts and feelings would go away...
   if someone would smash my head

The twitching, begging, guilt from instilling fear,
embarrassment, humiliation, flashing, shaking,
nausea, sleeping, drugging, ER visiting, helplessness,
searching, pain and more pain.
The horrific life consuming, life stealing, life altering,
life limiting Migraines would end...
   if someone would PLEASE smash my head

© 2002

You look at me......
I can see by your eyes
You see the pain in mine
There is love, empathy, never pity.
I'm so in love with you
For loving me,
Especially, as "it's" still here.
You hold my hand, my head, stoke my hair.
And "it's" still here.
You run to get my Rx, food or drink....
If I can stand it.
No matter what the time,
You're willing to sit with me,
Take me to the ER......
As "it's" still here.
While "it's" still here,
you deal with Dr.s and nurses, or whomever.......
Because "it's" still here.
From siege to siege.........
No end in sight.........
"It's" still here
And thank God!
So are you.

© 2002

There's a thief that comes
to steal and destroy.
He confiscates my energy -
my time - my joy.
He plunders and ravages
my life with pain...
depleting my strength
through relentless migraine.
He leaves in his path
despair - deprivation.
My misery, this intruder's
preoccupation.

© 2002

"Mommy lets play!"
How I dread hearing those words.
Because I dread saying those words
"Not now, Mommy has a headache"
No matter how many times she has heard it before
The disappointment is always on her face
How many days, weeks, or years does my little
one have to suffer?

Mom, take me to the mall.
Not now, Mom has a headache.
I see her face turn to disgust.
How tired she is of hearing that.
Its been sixteen years now, and nothing has changed.

Mom I'm moving out of the house today.
Tell me later, I have a headache.
I feel better now, tell me now daughter!
Daughter?!  Daughter??  Too late.  She's gone.
I've lost my daughter,
but my daughter didn't lose me, she never had me.

© 2002